The First Thing: Jim Jordan

The first thing to know about Jim Jordan is that he reminds me of the populist demagogue played by Dean Martin in the film “Ada”  —  If you’re wondering which of those two is the better actor  …well, it ain’t Jim Jordan. The second and tertiary things to know about Mr. Jordan are that he is a shameless hussy and tireless bullshitter for the crazy right at Fox News, where he recently displayed the unmitigated gall to present himself as worthy of being Speaker of the House of Representatives and third in line for the Presidency of the United States. Jim Jordan has obviously confused “being a character” with “having character.”

I predict that, when our nation finally realizes how many of its politicians took bribes from the agents of  foreign governments, sold their loyalties to the Chinese, or were blackmailed by Jeffrey Epstein and/or “Vlad the Putin,”  Jim Jordan will be among those society has to round up in the interest of national security — it simply won’t do to have Russian or Chinese sympathizers voting to jack-up our institutions and hamstring our domestic policy. So when the FBI shows up at his Ohio home some day to put the cuffs on him, I imagine Jim’s arrest will look like an episode of “Cops.” It goes without saying that Jimbo will be wearing handcuffs and a sleeveless “T.” His tightie-wighties will be dingy and brown-striped. He will be cursing — but unless Trump is re-elected and his second coup attempt succeeds, Mr. Jordan will be called to account for betraying his country. I guess Mr. Jordan really doesn’t have any choice at this late stage of his game but to go all-in on the MAGA insurrection thing, and he has to know he’s probably screwed if it fails.

Having said all that, I can think of no better legal disclaimer than stealing a line from Bill Maher: “I don’t know it for a fact,” he says on Real Time, “I just know it’s true.”

I suspect you know it’s true, too.